Don't worry.... It's not cancer!

For those of you that don't know, I am sorry this is the way you are finding out.

Recently I was in a car accident and after three weeks of the pain not getting better, I decided to go to the doctor and find out what was going on (yes I should have gone sooner but I did not).

At the urgent care, they did an X-Ray and when the X-Ray's came out, the doctor found a lesion on my femur bone. Let's be real, lots of thoughts flooded my brain, a little fear came rushing into my heart. I asked the questions of what that means and what do I do. The doctor explained that I would need to see my primary care physician and go from there.

The next day I got a call from the radiologist. I was informed that in fact it is a lesion and that I would most likely need a cat scan to see what exactly it is. The next week I saw my primary care physician and was informed that the lesion is called NOF, which means a non-ossifying fibroma. In normal human talk, a benign tumor that is normally only seen in adolescents. Due to that fact, I was referred to an orthopedist to find out if anything needed to be done.

All the while that this is going on, I also have had a cyst under my arm and my primary care was concerned that it is too close to lymph nodes. So she referred me to a general surgeon to have him look at it and determine if it needs to be removed or not.

So fast forward to today. I saw both specialists. One I am having surgery and the other is nothing to be concerned with and no further treatment will happen. I am glad to say that the lesion on my femur bone is not anything to be concerned and will go away on its own and is not cancer! Woohoo! Praise God. The cyst under my arm is being removed next month so that it does not get infected and cause more damage than it has. The general surgeon said that the cyst should be nothing but will be sent off for testing just in case.

I am thankful to have good news and am thankful that God's provision is better than mine. I also want to thank every person who said a prayer for me. I appreciate all of you. I still have a journey to go on and know that it will all work out for the good. I would appreciate the continued prayers. My trust is growing and my faith in Jesus is standing strong.

I do not know what the future holds and I do not know what will happen tomorrow. But for tonight, I celebrate the fact that I do not have cancer! Tomorrow is a new day so why not trust a little more in that fact that everything will work out for the good!

2015

What do you think of when you hear the word.... Reflect?

You could reflect on a certain situation, your family life, your work life, how about even your year? 

2014.... Some would say that it was a fantastic year, some would see it was a good year, some would say it was an okay year, some would say it was a bad year, and some could even say it was an awful, no good, very bad, terrible year.  Which one do you fall under?

For me, 2014 was a a little bit of everything. I got to travel a lot, I paid off some debt, I worked, I spent time with friends, got great advice from those I love, learned that I am worth it, lost a family member, lost friendships, but gained some new ones too, read a book that made me want to be brave in everything I do, and loving myself if the first step.

Some of us can say that we love ourselves, and some of can say we don't. Loving myself, for me, has been a huge struggle my entire life. I've grown up thinking that I am not beautiful, worth it, or even lovable. But over the course of 2014, my perspective has been changing and I can now see that I was made uniquely, that I am beautiful, and that loving myself, where I am at, is worth it. 

As 2015 starts, I want to encourage you all that we are all unique, we are all worth it, and you can love yourself. These three statements have been big learning steps in my life and everyday I wake up, look myself in the mirror and tell myself these statements. I didn't believe it at first, but I wanted to challenge myself to speak positive into my own life and see what happens. And boy, have I changed. You can too!

Your statements might be different to you. If we can say positive statements to other people to encourage them, why can't we do the same for ourselves? Yes, it is difficult to speak positively about myself, and accept my own compliments, but as I keep saying those statements, I am believing them more and more. I am starting to see that I was created for a purpose, a purpose that no one else can do. 

Each one of us has one, and each one of us needs to see that and live it out. Living a life of purpose is what we were all created to do, but each one is different. Some may have some similarities, but each one is unique. 

So I encourage your to be brave, to step out and start speaking positively to yourself, start seeing your purpose, start living out your purpose. 2015 is the year of bravery for me. What is 2015 going to be for you?

Forever Grateful

        I cannot express the amount of gratitude I have for the people who spent a little portion of their day with me, and to those who took the time to wish me a wonderful birthday. Each one of  you has made an impression on my heart and that will last forever. You all have played some role in my life and have taught me, sowed into my life, watched me grow to the woman I am today, and have given countless advice. I am forever grateful for each one of you. 

         This year has had some ups and some downs, but what would like be like if it was a straight line? Would we need each other to get through the tough times? I doubt it. Would we need each other to celebrate the good times? Probably not. Life would just be so dull without the struggles, the joys, the hurts, the excitement. I wouldn't want a life like that. Its exciting to see the people I love have joy and good times, and its sad to see them go through the tough times. But what I have learned through everything I have been through, is that no matter what, there is always something there with you to help you get through it. 

      So as I close out my birthday, I am sitting with a heart full of gratitude. Thank you to those who have pushed me to never give up. Thank you to those who have loved me through my worst times. Thank you to those who have shared my happy moments. Thank you to my family for always loving me. Thank you to my friends who have shown what true compassion is. Thank you to my church family for letting me be me and loving me through my flaws. Thank you to my parents for raising me to be the woman I am today. Thank you to my sisters for examples you have put forth for me. Thank you to my pastors for never giving up hope for me. Thank you to my life recovery friends and my step group ladies, you all have inspired me to keep going and keep working on me. Thank you to the friends that aren't so close anymore. Thank you to those who are to come. 

       I pray this next year I become more of the woman God created me to be and to show the love of Christ like I never have before.

Perspective

I've never thought about the fact that I look just like how God wanted me to look. Take a second, spot and think about that. Today's society wants us all to look like the next skinny model, or the beast mode dude. I, for one, am not skinny nor beast mode. But I look just like what God created me to be.

That is mind blowing to me. All my life I have viewed myself as someone who is not beautiful, someone who is not worth the time of day, and someone who isn't going to amount to anything. Trust me, I've heard it all with the compliments, and the don't let anything people say get to you. But let's be honest, it is difficult to view yourself differently than what you have your entire life. 

God wants us to view ourselves the way He created us, which is just how we are. Imperfect, broken, and sinful. But he uses all of those things to show us, we are worth so much more. We are beautiful and handsome. We may not be skinny or workout everyday. But we are created just how God has us. 

God created me to be clumsy, imperfect, broken, but He has given me a heart to serve, care for people, and to write. There are a lot of things that I can't do, but there are also a lot of things I can do. And for me, I am going to do those things that God placed in my heart to do. 

It's time I start seeing myself the way God created me to be. I am only human, but my God is bigger and with my willing heart, I am ready to see me differently. 

Thankful

Every year in November, a lot of my friends say something they are thankful for every day. I have jumped on that band wagon a time or two. And it's really great, you get to share with your friends and everyone is in better spirits.

I, however, did not do the thankfulness posts this year. To be honest, I just didn't want to do it. But I enjoyed all of the posts from my friends and family and it also reminded me that thankfulness should be apart of our daily lives. 

How I see it, we should look for something each day that we are thankful for. Because without it, would we even be here?

I woke up this morning and realized I have a lot to be thankful for. Like, the air I breathe, or the food that is provided for me, or my job, my church, my family, the amount of traveling I did this year, the clothes I have, the car that I somehow can afford each month, my glasses, my friends, and so much more 

Without the people in my life that have help me, encouraged me, taken me places, listened to me, and given me hope for brighter days, my life would be so different. 

I am so thankful for those who have invested in me and seen the light that I don't see sometimes. I truly appreciate the life I have lived and am excited to see what is next. These last few days have proven to me that I could never be enough thankful for the people in my life. 

So thank you to everyone who is in my life. You are one to be thankful for. 

Trusting without borders

Have you ever heard the song Oceans by hillsong united? The song is great and it really can push you to get out of your comfort zone and trust Jesus with every ounce of yourself. I recently read a blog by Annie F. Downs, and she explained that if we are not ready to trust Jesus without borders, to walk upon the water, wherever He will lead us, then we need to stop singing the song, which is totally true. Why sing it, if you aren't willing to trust Him completely?

A few months ago, I felt like I was being tested on my tithing. I'll be honest, I have not been a diligent tither. But in September, I really felt like my trust was being pushed and that I needed to really have faith in what Malachi 3:10 says "'Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food my house. Test me in this' says The Lord Almighty. 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be enough to store it.'" (NIV) 

So since September, I have been tithing with every paycheck I have gotten and it has always been before I pay anything else. Well, this last week I forgot to until this morning. I woke up and realized that I had not tithed. At first I started giving myself the guilt trip and the how could you forget talk. But then, I got over myself and sat on my bed and began to pray. I put my trust in God and tithed, knowing that I would be pushing my trust like not other with my finances until my next pay check. It is hard to trust and it is hard not knowing what I will be doing to make it. But I know that my God has provided for me time and time again. 

Needless to say, I am trusting without borders. On my way to church this morning, that song, Oceans, came on. That is when I realized that God calling me to diligently tithe each time I get paid, stepping out and trusting that He will provide, and testing God, is a form of what Oceans says about trusting without borders, walking upon the waters, wherever He will lead me. God calls us to do great things and to trust Him with everything we have. So tithing ten percent of my wages is something I can an will continue to do.

The more diligently I have become with tithing, the more I have been trusting God with me. If all I learn is to trust Him more in this time of testing, tithing, and trusting, then that is completely okay with me. Because how can we go through life without trusting the one who created us, how can we live life without the leading hand of Jesus, and how can we have open hearts to help others without knowing Jesus's heart for us? I know that I have a long way to go with my trust, and learning more about Jesus, but I am making steps and giving more of my heart to the one who created me. 

My life has come a long ways and I am excited to say that I am proud of who I am becoming. No matter what happens, I know that my God is with me and taking care of me.