Forever Grateful

        I cannot express the amount of gratitude I have for the people who spent a little portion of their day with me, and to those who took the time to wish me a wonderful birthday. Each one of  you has made an impression on my heart and that will last forever. You all have played some role in my life and have taught me, sowed into my life, watched me grow to the woman I am today, and have given countless advice. I am forever grateful for each one of you. 

         This year has had some ups and some downs, but what would like be like if it was a straight line? Would we need each other to get through the tough times? I doubt it. Would we need each other to celebrate the good times? Probably not. Life would just be so dull without the struggles, the joys, the hurts, the excitement. I wouldn't want a life like that. Its exciting to see the people I love have joy and good times, and its sad to see them go through the tough times. But what I have learned through everything I have been through, is that no matter what, there is always something there with you to help you get through it. 

      So as I close out my birthday, I am sitting with a heart full of gratitude. Thank you to those who have pushed me to never give up. Thank you to those who have loved me through my worst times. Thank you to those who have shared my happy moments. Thank you to my family for always loving me. Thank you to my friends who have shown what true compassion is. Thank you to my church family for letting me be me and loving me through my flaws. Thank you to my parents for raising me to be the woman I am today. Thank you to my sisters for examples you have put forth for me. Thank you to my pastors for never giving up hope for me. Thank you to my life recovery friends and my step group ladies, you all have inspired me to keep going and keep working on me. Thank you to the friends that aren't so close anymore. Thank you to those who are to come. 

       I pray this next year I become more of the woman God created me to be and to show the love of Christ like I never have before.

Perspective

I've never thought about the fact that I look just like how God wanted me to look. Take a second, spot and think about that. Today's society wants us all to look like the next skinny model, or the beast mode dude. I, for one, am not skinny nor beast mode. But I look just like what God created me to be.

That is mind blowing to me. All my life I have viewed myself as someone who is not beautiful, someone who is not worth the time of day, and someone who isn't going to amount to anything. Trust me, I've heard it all with the compliments, and the don't let anything people say get to you. But let's be honest, it is difficult to view yourself differently than what you have your entire life. 

God wants us to view ourselves the way He created us, which is just how we are. Imperfect, broken, and sinful. But he uses all of those things to show us, we are worth so much more. We are beautiful and handsome. We may not be skinny or workout everyday. But we are created just how God has us. 

God created me to be clumsy, imperfect, broken, but He has given me a heart to serve, care for people, and to write. There are a lot of things that I can't do, but there are also a lot of things I can do. And for me, I am going to do those things that God placed in my heart to do. 

It's time I start seeing myself the way God created me to be. I am only human, but my God is bigger and with my willing heart, I am ready to see me differently. 

Thankful

Every year in November, a lot of my friends say something they are thankful for every day. I have jumped on that band wagon a time or two. And it's really great, you get to share with your friends and everyone is in better spirits.

I, however, did not do the thankfulness posts this year. To be honest, I just didn't want to do it. But I enjoyed all of the posts from my friends and family and it also reminded me that thankfulness should be apart of our daily lives. 

How I see it, we should look for something each day that we are thankful for. Because without it, would we even be here?

I woke up this morning and realized I have a lot to be thankful for. Like, the air I breathe, or the food that is provided for me, or my job, my church, my family, the amount of traveling I did this year, the clothes I have, the car that I somehow can afford each month, my glasses, my friends, and so much more 

Without the people in my life that have help me, encouraged me, taken me places, listened to me, and given me hope for brighter days, my life would be so different. 

I am so thankful for those who have invested in me and seen the light that I don't see sometimes. I truly appreciate the life I have lived and am excited to see what is next. These last few days have proven to me that I could never be enough thankful for the people in my life. 

So thank you to everyone who is in my life. You are one to be thankful for. 

Trusting without borders

Have you ever heard the song Oceans by hillsong united? The song is great and it really can push you to get out of your comfort zone and trust Jesus with every ounce of yourself. I recently read a blog by Annie F. Downs, and she explained that if we are not ready to trust Jesus without borders, to walk upon the water, wherever He will lead us, then we need to stop singing the song, which is totally true. Why sing it, if you aren't willing to trust Him completely?

A few months ago, I felt like I was being tested on my tithing. I'll be honest, I have not been a diligent tither. But in September, I really felt like my trust was being pushed and that I needed to really have faith in what Malachi 3:10 says "'Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food my house. Test me in this' says The Lord Almighty. 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be enough to store it.'" (NIV) 

So since September, I have been tithing with every paycheck I have gotten and it has always been before I pay anything else. Well, this last week I forgot to until this morning. I woke up and realized that I had not tithed. At first I started giving myself the guilt trip and the how could you forget talk. But then, I got over myself and sat on my bed and began to pray. I put my trust in God and tithed, knowing that I would be pushing my trust like not other with my finances until my next pay check. It is hard to trust and it is hard not knowing what I will be doing to make it. But I know that my God has provided for me time and time again. 

Needless to say, I am trusting without borders. On my way to church this morning, that song, Oceans, came on. That is when I realized that God calling me to diligently tithe each time I get paid, stepping out and trusting that He will provide, and testing God, is a form of what Oceans says about trusting without borders, walking upon the waters, wherever He will lead me. God calls us to do great things and to trust Him with everything we have. So tithing ten percent of my wages is something I can an will continue to do.

The more diligently I have become with tithing, the more I have been trusting God with me. If all I learn is to trust Him more in this time of testing, tithing, and trusting, then that is completely okay with me. Because how can we go through life without trusting the one who created us, how can we live life without the leading hand of Jesus, and how can we have open hearts to help others without knowing Jesus's heart for us? I know that I have a long way to go with my trust, and learning more about Jesus, but I am making steps and giving more of my heart to the one who created me. 

My life has come a long ways and I am excited to say that I am proud of who I am becoming. No matter what happens, I know that my God is with me and taking care of me.